Rated B for Bad: The Librarian Avengers Film Rating System
ovie ratings suck. “Rated R” doesn’t tell me anything I need to know.
I need to know if a movie contains cannibalism, synthesizers, or Jim Carrey. I need a rating system that reflects the diversity of obstacles lurking in today’s cinema. Introducing…
The Librarian Avengers Film Rating System
Rated A for Animal Gets Hurt
Rated B for British Accent Faked by American
Rated C for Creepy Child Singing
Rated D for Dialog Written by Committee
Rated E for Escape-in-front-of-a-fireball
Rated F for Fun-filled Frolic for the Family
Rated G for Grab-my-hand!
Rated H for Heads chopped off/Hearts pulled out
Rated I for Italian Stallion
Rated J for Jim Carrey
Rated K for Keyboard hacks Pentagon in two clicks
Rated L for Lead Actors’ Real-Life Romance
Rated M for Motiveless Villain
Rated N for Natives
Rated O for Overly Patriotic
Rated P for Pacino Yelling
Rated R for Remake of a Better Film
Rated S for Scientific Content ≠ Reality
Rated T for T&A
Rated U for Un-ironic 80’s Soundtrack
Rated V for Vehicle
Rated W for Woody Allen as Romantic Lead
Rated X for Xenu-Sponsored Script
Rated Z for Zombies
Rated A for Animal Gets HurtRated B for British Accent Faked by AmericanRated C for Creepy Child SingingRated D for Dialog Written by CommitteeRated E for Escape-in-front-of-a-fireball Rated F for Fun-filled Frolic for the FamilyRated G for Grab-my-hand! Rated H for Heads chopped off/Hearts pulled outRated I for Italian Stallion Rated J for Jim CarreyRated K for Keyboard hacks Pentagon in two clicksRated L for Lead Actors’ Real-Life Romance Rated M for Motiveless VillainRated N for NativesRated O for Overly PatrioticRated P for Pacino YellingRated R for Remake of a Better FilmRated S for Scientific Content ≠ RealityRated T for T&ARated U for Un-ironic 80’s SoundtrackRated V for Vehicle Rated W for Woody Allen as Romantic LeadRated X for Xenu-Sponsored ScriptRated Z for Zombies
January 26th, 2007 at 9:44 am
What, no Q or Y? :)
January 26th, 2007 at 11:58 am
The only problem is that all “new” movies would be rated “R”. Hollywood seems to have run out of new ideas.
January 26th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Q = Quickly make your way to the exit?
January 26th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
HAHAHA! This is fabulous - and the icons rock!
January 26th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
perfect! i really need that A rating. i can watch people die horribly, but if a puppy gets hurt, it’s over.
January 27th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Mmm. Rated Z… I could go for one of those.
January 27th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
That quite amazing - I like the U-Rating :)
January 27th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Rikhei: It was late.
Benclimbsstuff: Yes yes yes.
M-D: Rated Q for Quotations from Reviewers Taken out of Context
Jessica: Thank you!
addie: I need the A rating too. That’s what got the whole thing started. I was telling my friend Kara that she should never ever see the Korean film “Lady Vengence” because, among other reasons, a dog snuffs it. That’s a deal-killer for me.
Jessie: Zooooombies!!
Paul: Thanks! One word: LadyHawk.
January 29th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
I love the ratings! :) There needs to be “Rated Y” for “you already saw all of the best bits in the previews, so don’t bother”. G could also be “Genre of the moment” - think natural disaster movies like all of those ones about asteroids from a couple of years ago. Or maybw that should be “Rated W” for “When nature attacks”… Man, I could just keep going….
January 31st, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Erica: okay. :) By the way, the zombie icon looks a little bit like lobsters to me, and I would just like to say that I would SO watch a movie that has zombie lobsters.
January 31st, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Love the icons, especially W! This whole exercise reminds me of about 10 years ago when I had just HAD IT with violent/jeopardy movies screwing up my real life sense of safety. I informed my husband: No more movies where someone gets Shot In The Head. None. We’re done with that. So the sweet guy goes out and picks a comedy that was guaranteed to be safe, right? Fierce Creatures, I think, where, yes, someone gets shot in the head.
February 2nd, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Kara: I love your Rated Y! Thanks for the idea too. :)
Rikhei: Join me for Lobsterzombie IV, opening this Friday at a theater near you?
Robin: I agree. I think one exploding head per lifetime is enough for anyone. But then, I’m one of those pinko leftists you hear so much about.
February 6th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I do not see a rating for cute documentaries to make us feel less guilty about environmental destruction? Any room for that?
February 6th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Mary-Lou: That would be nice. If you find one, please let me know. I’m trying not eat beef anymore after learning how much rainforest acreage is burned to create grazing land for cattle. Stupid cows.
February 8th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
These are SO freakin’ cool!
Yeah, the cows do contribute greatly to the rainforest being destroyed. Also though, they make literally tons of methane and waste that’s speeding up global warming. =( So you might wanna cut back on the dairy products too.
February 10th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
As a Librarian 2 B, I stumbled across this site. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the icons! Ab-so-lute-ly right on the money! I agree with another “commenter” … if a puppy, dog, cat or other animal is hurt, I am sooooo outta there! Good work! ;-)))))))))))))))))))) I’m ROTFLMAO bigtime! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 16th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
These are great! How about “Y” for “You’ll need a box of tissues”?
February 21st, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Love the icons! Ratings scale is right on.
Flisa
March 5th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Rated Y for yawn
March 12th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
[...] Original post by Erica and a wordpress plugin by Elliott [...]
November 27th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
[...] It is like many other things the government tries to do, make the American people have morals. This page had an interesting new idea for a movie rating system, if anything it will be a good laugh: http://librarianavengers.org/2007/01/25/rated-b-for-bad-the-librarian-avengers-film-rating-system//. [...]