Oh yes. The IRC Rap Battles continue at Linden Lab, creators of Second Life. My friend Bridie is in town, and we decided to bitchslap some suckah MCs…
I got so much chips I swear they call me Hewlett Packard
I got so much chips you can have a bag if you’re a snacker
Running on energy I stole from Half-Life
Too dark to see gotta use my keyboard backlight
Preying on newbies / I like to watch them break down
Running with Bridie / We start the grid they take down
Aww. Aw yeah.
Previous Linden Lab rap battles
In my new role as a user experience goon at Second Life, I’m often called upon to participate in rap battles with other employees.
Because we’re all busy, rap battles tend to be text-only and asynchronous, conducted over IRC, twitter, or instant messenger.
Past themes have included: My prowess as a Developer, My (imaginary) Car, Linden Lab Office Culture, and Various Programming Languages.
Below are a few examples of my amazing rap power, mostly gleaned from IM logs. Enjoy responsibly, and please remember check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Killing jira issues like Rambo kills commies / Tasks and subtasks crying for their mommies /As&Os got me going mental / Yoz wants to rap but he’s too CONTINENTAL
Chillin wit’ Jonhenry / Talking ’bout JIRA / Drank me some coffee / Wish it was a beerah
open up email to try and cat-heard / 60 threads later / time is going backward / I just get in when wham! it’s lunch / wtf have I done besides data-crunch?
think you bad / ’cause you so much taller? / you may be blue / but I’m white collar / rollin’ in my office working on a search / you think you’re rapping but its SO MUCH WORSE
Kickin’ it smoove in my GTO / ops wants to have a meeting / but I’ve got ta go!
Last night I drove back to Ithaca from my hometown of Flint, MI. I had Great Expectations on tape, and Dickens’ verbosity helped get me through the nine-hour drive without plowing into someone out of sheer boredom. Flint was unexpectedly fun. I got to see my favorite old gang, and their cute new kids. Downtown’s been sexed up a bit, with some lighted arches and a cobblestone overhaul. The best thing downtown is Flint City T-Shirts, my friend Matt’s new shop. I got an “I heart MI” shirt, and Erin got one that says “Flint: Baddest town around since 1855.”
Things I missed while I was in Flint (Good)
- Snoop Dogg asking Cornellians “Can U Control Yo Hoe?” (more on misogyny in hip hop)
- Slope day snowfences
- Cat barfing
Things I missed while I was in Flint (Bad)
- Beezoo and Lexie delivering brownies at work
- Tulips blooming in spite of the damn deer (curse you deer!)
- International dance festival (opa!)
Things I did while in Flint
- Ate assloads of coneys. Pretty much literally.
- Went to Wal-mart twice with parents. Bought nothing. Washed off corporate slime afterward.
- Gave driving tour of expensive public works projects that were going to “save Flint”
- Tamale night at Erin’s grandma’s
- Mourned the death of Angelo’s. The walls are bare. They have wheat toast. The waitress called my friend “sir.” It’s over.
- Three-hour gossip session with everyone’s favorite Joel
- Got asked out by skeevy Australian waiter while at Olive garden with mom.
- Introduced parents to veggi burger. Ate chicken in exchange.
In other news, Wendy at Poundy describes the Seattle Public Library most aptly.
Store Wars should tip you over your monthly bandwidth quota nicely. Headphones required. Organic and work-safe.