14 Weird things I’ve learned this week

  1. Queen Bees are expensive
  2. It’s damned difficult to find a cat-sitter in Ithaca
  3. Johnathan Lethem’s You Don’t Love me Yet is, so far, an absolutely perfect book
  4. Tom Phillips is an artist who did a really great book painting featuring fictional books with titles stolen from Shakespeare
  5. Roccapulco is a salsa club in San Francisco. I’m going next week with my friend Jake
  6. The Lunch Meeting is the gold standard for interviews at eBay
  7. Oldschool Metadata

  8. You can randomly teleport somewhere in Second Life and end up getting juggled by a large pink elephant
  9. Hotels in San Francisco are way cheaper than hotels in NYC. Jobs in San Francisco pay way better than jobs in NYC.
  10. All it took for me to get my finances in shape was to get some software with a decent interface
  11. The only cure for pregnancy-induced hypertension is childbirth (hi clay!)
  12. My friend Josh has taken over things digital at the NYPL
  13. Adobe CS3 will steal your soul with its compelling beauty
  14. Google Analytics has a new interface that will steal whatever bit of your soul is leftover after Adobe gets done with you
  15. Half of you people are still using Internet Explorer. I’m saddened. Please, for the love of all things holy: Use

Rated B for Bad: The Librarian Avengers Film Rating System

Update: There is an updated version of the Librarian Avengers Film Rating System!

Movie ratings suck. “Rated R” doesn’t tell me anything I need to know.
I need to know if a movie contains cannibalism, synthesizers, or Jim Carrey.

I need a rating system that reflects the diversity of obstacles lurking in today’s cinema. Introducing…

The Librarian Avengers Film Rating System
a.png Rated A for Animal Gets Hurt
b.png Rated B for British Accent Faked by American
Rated C for Creepy Child Singing
d.png Rated D for Dialog Written by Committee
e.png Rated E for Escape-in-front-of-a-fireball
f1.png Rated F for Fun-filled Frolic for the Family
g.png Rated G for Grab-my-hand!
h1.png Rated H for Heads chopped off/Hearts pulled out
i.png Rated I for Italian Stallion
j.png Rated J for Jim Carrey
Rated K for Keyboard hacks Pentagon in two clicks
l.png Rated L for Lead Actors involved in Real-Life Romance rendering film unwatchable
m.png Rated M for Motiveless Villain
n.png Rated N for Natives
o.png Rated O for Overly Patriotic
p.png Rated P for Pacino Yelling
r.png Rated R for Remake of a Better Film
s.png Rated S for Scientific Content ≠ Reality
t.png Rated T for T&A
u.png Rated U for Un-ironic 80’s Soundtrack
v.png Rated V for Vehicle
w.png Rated W for Woody Allen as Romantic Lead
x.png Rated X for Xenu-Sponsored Script
z.png Rated Z for Zombies

Another Extremely Accurate Librarian Costume.

This is the second sexy librarian costume I’ve found. One more and it’s officially a trend.

This one is especially flattering. They call it a “Sexy Secretary” SLASH “Sexy Librarian” costume. Because as you know, the two jobs are interchangeable. Or at least the outfits seem to be.

I love love LOVE that librarians are the subjects of our very own fetish. My mom would be so proud. We should form a labor union, all us sexy librarians, nurses, secretaries, and flight attendants, and charge a licensing fee every time someone wants to objectify us. Like the MPAA for disenfranchised traditionally-female professions. Quick, somebody call Dan Savage!

We do look all like this though. Seriously. Even the dudes.

Hey Kids! Be a Librarian for Halloween

Target sells these INCREDIBLY accurate Librarian Halloween costumes in its online store.

Still, why spend $59.99 on a costume when we librarians can just open our closets and wear one of our many ALA-mandated cape/miniskirt combos?

Not to nitpick, but my book-skirt is a bit longer.

Update: Holy cow. Here’s another one.

Letter to the Deer that ate my Tulips

Dear Deer,
You may not remember me, but we met one evening after dinner. You had hopped into my backyard and were chewing on my rhododendrons. I had stepped outside to refill the bird feeder when our eyes met. I’ve always admired your grace and fortitude. Your ability to leap tall fences and survive harsh weather leaves me without doubt that you are a strong, adaptable animal.

Which brings me to the subject of the 45 tulips that were recently growing in front of my house. I don’t mean to imply that you are responsible for their recent disappearance, but the circumstances give me cause for concern. These tulips were from the Netherlands, brought to me as a gift, carted by hand through customs in an overloaded carry-on. Every day I looked to see how tall they had gotten. As they grew, I sprayed them with liquid capsaicin to make their leaves unpleasant tasting, not because I don’t trust you (because I do, deer) but to prevent any accidents. I didn’t want you to mistake my tulips for, say, the salad bar at Applebee’s.

This morning I woke to discover that all of the tulips had been eaten. Someone (and I don’t necessarily mean you, deer) had chewed them to the ground. If it’s not too much trouble, I wonder if you could describe for me your whereabouts during this event? I happened to notice some unusual footprints in the mud, a product of the rain which also washed off my pepper spray. They look cloven.

Would you mind clearing this incident up? I hate to bother you, but as you can see, the evidence is troubling.

Sincerely yours,
Erica

Speaking of sloth…

Here’s some baby sloths. (thanks Kafkaesque)

These sloths remind me of the time I went to a residence hall library program with my friend RyanGalaxor Nebulon” Hughes. (Hi Ryan! Where the hell are ya?)

They had brought in a bunch of rainforest animals to the residence hall to, I dunno, promote reading or something. There were a bunch of snakes and fuzzy things, a scorpion, and a two-toed sloth. At the end of the program, the audience was invited to come up and pet the animals. Ryan decided that he should pet the sloth. Ryan HAD to pet the sloth.

I kind of lost track of Ryan after he went up to the sloth, and when I found him again he was bleeding. Ryan had been bitten by the sloth.

As you know, the sloth is the Slowest Mammal in the World. It is known for moving only 5 or 6 feet a minute. Yet here was Ryan, bleeding. “It looked so cute”, Ryan said. “When I saw it open it’s mouth, I thought, oh! it’s going to do something even cuter! I didn’t know it was going to BITE me!”

I believe to this day Ryan has a scar. From sloth.

Let this be a lesson to you.

Some library stories

We were walking around on our lunch break yesterday and found a really big feather. Next to the feather was a squirrel. By using Occam’s Razor, we determined that we had found a squirrel feather, and spent the rest of lunch trying to convince the reference department.

I got an email yesterday from a nice person who was curious about what exactly “library research” involves. Well, you know that little webcam on top of your computer? It only LOOKS like it’s turned off. Mwah-ha-ha-ha! Ha! Heh! Heh. ahem.