My kid’s talent show program in the form of snarky texts to my dad

Theater seats

Name Redacted Elementary School
Spring 2019No early exit please


  • I have no idea what is happening in this play but I think someone is a dog

  • Uh oh music stand onstage

  • Two fourth grade girls capably reproduce their recital from dance class

  • A longing for earplugs

  • 30 kids in paper shark hats can only mean one thing

  • Oh Christ ABBA

  • Hamilton team lip sync for some reason

  • First graders bump into each other

  • In which we discover the source of the ukulele noises

  • Hamilton singer whose mike is off

  • Violins! RUN!

  • Someone rapping which is honestly a relief