Rated B for Bad: The Librarian Avengers Film Rating System
on Jan 25 in Favorite Posts, Film by Erica FirmentMovie ratings suck. “Rated R” doesn’t tell me anything I need to know.
I need to know if a movie contains cannibalism, synthesizers, or Jim Carrey.
I need a rating system that reflects the diversity of obstacles lurking in today’s cinema. Introducing…
The Librarian Avengers Film Rating System
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Rated A for Animal Gets Hurt |
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Rated B for British Accent Faked by American |
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Rated C for Creepy Child Singing |
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Rated D for Dialog Written by Committee |
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Rated E for Escape-in-front-of-a-fireball |
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Rated F for Fun-filled Frolic for the Family |
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Rated G for Grab-my-hand! |
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Rated H for Heads chopped off/Hearts pulled out |
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Rated I for Italian Stallion |
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Rated J for Jim Carrey |
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Rated K for Keyboard hacks Pentagon in two clicks |
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Rated L for Lead Actors involved in Real-Life Romance rendering film unwatchable |
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Rated M for Motiveless Villain |
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Rated N for Natives |
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Rated O for Overly Patriotic |
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Rated P for Pacino Yelling |
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Rated R for Remake of a Better Film |
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Rated S for Scientific Content ≠Reality |
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Rated T for T&A |
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Rated U for Un-ironic 80′s Soundtrack |
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Rated V for Vehicle |
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Rated W for Woody Allen as Romantic Lead |
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Rated X for Xenu-Sponsored Script |
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Rated Z for Zombies |
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What, no Q or Y? :)
Q = Quickly make your way to the exit?
The only problem is that all “new” movies would be rated “R”. Hollywood seems to have run out of new ideas.
HAHAHA! This is fabulous – and the icons rock!
perfect! i really need that A rating. i can watch people die horribly, but if a puppy gets hurt, it’s over.
Mmm. Rated Z… I could go for one of those.
That quite amazing – I like the U-Rating :)
Rikhei: It was late.
Benclimbsstuff: Yes yes yes.
M-D: Rated Q for Quotations from Reviewers Taken out of Context
Jessica: Thank you!
addie: I need the A rating too. That’s what got the whole thing started. I was telling my friend Kara that she should never ever see the Korean film “Lady Vengence” because, among other reasons, a dog snuffs it. That’s a deal-killer for me.
Jessie: Zooooombies!!
Paul: Thanks! One word: LadyHawk.
I love the ratings! :) There needs to be “Rated Y” for “you already saw all of the best bits in the previews, so don’t bother”. G could also be “Genre of the moment” – think natural disaster movies like all of those ones about asteroids from a couple of years ago. Or maybw that should be “Rated W” for “When nature attacks”… Man, I could just keep going….
Erica: okay. :) By the way, the zombie icon looks a little bit like lobsters to me, and I would just like to say that I would SO watch a movie that has zombie lobsters.
Love the icons, especially W! This whole exercise reminds me of about 10 years ago when I had just HAD IT with violent/jeopardy movies screwing up my real life sense of safety. I informed my husband: No more movies where someone gets Shot In The Head. None. We’re done with that. So the sweet guy goes out and picks a comedy that was guaranteed to be safe, right? Fierce Creatures, I think, where, yes, someone gets shot in the head.
Kara: I love your Rated Y! Thanks for the idea too. :)
Rikhei: Join me for Lobsterzombie IV, opening this Friday at a theater near you?
Robin: I agree. I think one exploding head per lifetime is enough for anyone. But then, I’m one of those pinko leftists you hear so much about.
I do not see a rating for cute documentaries to make us feel less guilty about environmental destruction? Any room for that?
Mary-Lou: That would be nice. If you find one, please let me know. I’m trying not eat beef anymore after learning how much rainforest acreage is burned to create grazing land for cattle. Stupid cows.
These are SO freakin’ cool!
Yeah, the cows do contribute greatly to the rainforest being destroyed. Also though, they make literally tons of methane and waste that’s speeding up global warming. =( So you might wanna cut back on the dairy products too.
As a Librarian 2 B, I stumbled across this site. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the icons! Ab-so-lute-ly right on the money! I agree with another “commenter” … if a puppy, dog, cat or other animal is hurt, I am sooooo outta there! Good work! ;-)))))))))))))))))))) I’m ROTFLMAO bigtime! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These are great! How about “Y” for “You’ll need a box of tissues”?
Love the icons! Ratings scale is right on.
Flisa
Rated Y for yawn